So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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