do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
he shaved USA in his pubs
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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