She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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