I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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