We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Randomize
