This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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