have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Randomize
