The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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