quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
