I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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