i just wanna soil my oats bro
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Every concussion has its silver lining
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize