the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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