you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
