At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
