I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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