just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Fuck appropriateness.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I have feelings that need drinking.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
