I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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