you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
