And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
