well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
