Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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