I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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