My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
