I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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