He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
