also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
