$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Randomize
