you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
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