You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
We need a shit load of segways right now
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize