May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
