One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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