I'm passing your future prison.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
