wrigley field is MILF paradise
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize