Me. At least after what I've been through.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Randomize
