You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize