Buhtt sex?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
