I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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