he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Just cropdusted the office
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I fill condoms, not promises.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
you made out with another girl for some wings
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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