and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
