i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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