I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
