So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize