You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Randomize
