What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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