i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
