I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
