You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
