i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
