what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
