I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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