new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize