i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
