Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
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