its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Randomize
