A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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