My nipple is on Facebook.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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