last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
