haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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